I love change.  I can’t explain why, or understand others who don’t.  I just know I truly enjoy the challenge of the dynamics of life.  So, of course, I married someone who absolutely hates change.  Not just avoids it, or has reservations about it, but truly hates change.  Also, I think details are important, he thinks they are annoying.  I like romantic comedies, he likes action thrillers.  I like long walks outside, he likes napping in front of the television set for hours at a time.  Believe it or not, our differences made the first, oh, say 23 years of our marriage miserable.  We just didn’t understand the tremendous blessing there is in our differences.  For one thing, how can you ever learn anything, besides what you already know, unless you are challenged with a different viewpoint?  And when would you ever learn the priceless lesson of sacrifice unless you were dialing back your own thoughts to hear someone else?  Would you ever crystalize your convictions if you never had to defend or explain them to someone who disagrees with you?

There are a multitude of reasons to embrace and appreciate the differences in others around you, but it is especially important in marriage.  Noticing and respecting your spouse’s differences are two important ways to demonstrate your love for one other.  Most strife can be traced to a lack of understanding of how our differences enrich the lives of those around us.  We don’t know how to listen without our own pig-headedness getting in the way.  So, here’s a challenge to all you married folks out there:  the next time you are tempted to insult or ridicule your spouse because they don’t agree with you, say instead, “That is so interesting.  I would never have thought of it that way.  You are so smart!”  You will be amazed at the response you get, and the more often you try this, the more fun it will become.  And, over time, you will realize that you actually do appreciate that wacky point of view.  After all, if we agreed about everything all the time, then one of us would be unnecessary.  Here’s to your healthy marriage!

There is beauty everywhere...just look!

You know how life seems to go along, everything groovy, and you think “Wow, life is good!”?  And then, WHAM, you get hit with some tragedy or trial, out of the blue, and then BAM, something else goes wrong?  Seems like there are those times when something is going wrong in every area of life.  So, what do you do?  How do you cope?  Well, we are going through a time like that right now, when each day seems to bring a new disaster to deal with.  Because of all we’ve lived through in our lives together, we know full well that this tough time will pass.  It seems impossible right now, but we know that the sky will be blue again, the grass will be green again, and all will be as it should be, eventually.  But right now, before we see any solutions or any help for our troubles, how should we act?  I’m choosing to behave as if God has already worked out all the details of our current troubles.  I slip up occasionally, but, for the most part, I’m trying to let the joy of the Lord be my strength each day.  I determine to act as if my faithful heavenly Father has already smoothed out the road ahead of me, and has already put His provision in my hands.  I could choose to dwell on all that is wrong in our lives, the unfairness that seems to be around every turn, but I’ve noticed that people who do that don’t actually get any benefit from that attitude.  Instead, they seem to compound their misery, and spew it on others.  That doesn’t help anyone.  So, as long as God gives me grace, I will exhalt Him as the divine Fixer of Problems, and praise His loving care, even when things are difficult.  Adversity makes the good times seem oh-so-sweet!  Have a blessed day!

It’s Christmas time, and there is a lot of focus on gift-giving. Now suppose I wanted to give my husband that DVD he has been wanting and hinting about. I would first have to receive that DVD in some way before I could give it to him. No matter how much he wanted it, if I didn’t first come up with it somehow, I couldn’t pass it on to him.

This is also true of the greatest gift ever given to anyone: the unconditional love of God because of the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus. There are a lot of Christians who are stumbling through life, having received Christ’ death as the payment for their sins, but not having received God’s unconditional love that now flows uninhibited toward us. Rather, they spend untold effort trying to “win” God’s favor and approval, or religiously avoiding certain things so as to not incur His wrath. The practical result of this mindset is a religious spirit that causes us to compare ourselves with each other to see who is “better”. What freedom it is to finally just humbly receive all of God’s love and favor simply because we are His! Once you’ve received God’s love, you are then, and only then, able to offer that kind of love to another. That’s the kind of love that keeps marriages together through all the various storms of life. It’s that kind of love that enables us to love the most unlovable of creatures simply because God loves them. (I should know…I’ve taught junior high for many years!) If you’ve never experienced the deep satisfaction of knowing that you are genuinely and completely loved by the Creator of the universe, don’t do another thing before you come to Him and receive that love. Then get ready to celebrate Christmas like you’ve never done before!

Romance seems to be a lost art these days. Movies make fun of it, celebrities (usually men) roll their eyes on talk shows about it, and very few people seem to know what it really is. One misconception is that romance must include flowers, candy, expensive jewelry or a memorable night on the town. While these things are nice, they may or may not be romantic. At its very core, true romance is knowing the object of your affection very well, and anticipating what he or she wants and needs. Study your mate and memorize likes and dislikes, then behave and gift accordingly. Sometimes the most romantic thing you can do is be still and listen with your whole heart. Sometimes it means meeting your husband at the door au natural, with a cold drink in your hand, at the end of a long day. In short, romance means doing or saying what your loved one wants and needs without being asked. Often it costs you nothing, but adds incredible value to the relationship. It’s in the KNOWING what they want that makes it romantic. It means you’ve paid attention and studied them until you know, without them saying a word, exactly what they want. So, if your marriage has gotten a thin layer of dust over it, recommit yourself to being romantic. You will be amazed at the results!

Turns fallen trees into kindling

Ladies, learn to use power tools!  It’s so much fun.  Of course, this time of year, it’s cold here in our neck of the woods, and my mom’s wood-burning stove uses lots and lots of wood.  My wonderful cousins brought us wood today, and it was such fun to visit with them while they split and we stacked it all.   While we were working, I was remembering the great time we had years ago when we lived in Plainview and the community decided to collaborate on a Robert Leather’s wooden playground for one of our city parks.  I spent all of one day routing all four long edges of zillions of two-by-fours, two-by-sixes and two-by-eights.  I am so thankful that my dad allowed me to be the son he never had, and taught me to do all sorts of “guy” stuff.  I was a tomboy anyway, so I really loved it all.  The point of all this is to encourage you to try new things.  It keeps you interesting and interested.  And you will never be bored if you can use a chainsaw!  Ditto for a drill, circular saw, tiller, tractor….

Okay, is it just me, or is the level of grammatical ability of the average Joe taking a plunge?  I would never even suggest that I have a perfect memory, but I don’t remember seeing so many grammatical errors in print 20 years ago.  It seems to have gotten really bad the last 10 years.  I know that at faculty meetings, I would ply my language arts buddies with questions about their experiences with their students.  They seemed to agree with me about the lack of understanding of conventional English in their classrooms.  In particular, the proper use of the oh-so-popular apostrophe.  It seems that, nowadays, people are afraid to put an “s” on the end of a word without an apostrophe.  For instance, consider the flyer posted in the elevator at a popular Lubbock retirement village, advertising an up-coming event:  “Resident’s will be treated to the lively sounds of (performer’s name)…”  Come on, why does that word need an apostrophe?  Why would anyone even consider putting one there?  Oh, and don’t even get me started on the improper use of there, their and they’re!  And if I only had a nickel for every time a student wrote me a note saying “Your the best teacher in the world!”  I loved the sentiment, but PLEEEEEEEASE get the grammar right!  So, everyone out there who shares my love for the English language, please help me stamp out ignorance wherever you see it.  There…you are hereby deputized!  Go forth and correct!!

See? Up...

There it was again.  The toilet seat up.  Even after I’d asked him, ever so politely, to please put it down.  Even after I’d fallen into the cold bowl when I stumbled in there in the middle of the night.  There it was, up again.  I felt my blood starting to boil, and - quite suddenly - it hit me.  This just simply wasn’t something I needed to get my way about.  What was I, unable to put the seat down?  Broken arm?  Too dumb to work the hinge?  So much of a baby that I had to insist he ready the pot for me each time he used it?  Nope.  None of those applied to me, so I made a conscious decision to never mention it again.

That was about seven years ago, and, in the ensuing years, there have been several other “sacred cows” that have been sacrificed on the altar of marital harmony.  My husband is a wonderful man, and if he leaves every toilet seat up in every house we are ever in together, he will still be wonderful.  What a difference it made when I decided to put him ahead of myself in this area.  I wonder what else I will get to give up in the future…

Greetings! My name is Melinda Jane Wilson Thompson, and I have been married to my wonderful husband, Jeff for 30 years. The vision for a website such as this has been burning in my soul for a very long time. The first 20 years of our marriage were, for lack of a better word, crappy! We had such financial struggles, marital struggles, parenting struggles…you name it, we struggled about it! There were months at a time where I felt so lonely I thought I would die, and I would have given anything to be able to have a safe place to vent about what we were going through. That is the purpose of this site: to allow you, the readers, to write in with your questions or concerns, and then we will work together toward a solution. You can comment on someone’s concerns, or you can comment on my comments about those concerns. My passion is to create a caring community with the purpose of strengthening marriages and families in this country and all around the world.

In my adult lifetime I have been a roofer, a plumber, a carpenter’s helper, a concrete worker, a seamstress, a wedding videographer and photography assistant, a landscape engineer, and newspaper deliverer. When I finally “grew up” and got my children into school, I became a junior high math teacher, which is what I’ve done for the past several years. Currently, I have entered yet another phase of my life; that of caring for an aging parent. Every season of our lives has had its unique challenges, but the grace of God has sustained us in each one. We now have a wonderful marriage and four marvelous, grown children, and I feel compelled to share with others what has been so freely given to us. So, here is your invitation to join us. Blog in with your question, concern or comment, and we will find answers together.